My Yoga Rants...

My Yoga Sign.....
(Be forewarned...A 'not so yogic' post)

My rants, My raves, My CRAZIES for YOGA;Things I wish I could place on a sign outside of my teaching spaces.....

-Welcome. Class started five minutes ago. I'm so glad you were able to come to class. As you can see, we are all sitting quietly, quietly coming to our breathe...in silence. It's quiet. Take off your F*&$ing wooden clogs!!!

-Welcome. Class started 35 minutes ago. We have passed the "stretching" portion of class which means you are about to jump into a very intense vinyasa flow that includes a flying pigeon and handstand. You're insulted by my gentle and polite warning. Good Luck to you.

-Cell phones are not welcome in Yoga class. If you can not be without your cell phone for one hour....then you DESPERATELY need Yoga.  If you actually have the balls to answer your call and carry on a conversation in my class...well, I'll just smile....whilst my other students escort you out. Literally. They do not play!

-I'm happy to discuss ways in which you can bring health into your life. However, I am not a nutritionist...I can not tell you what to eat because I do not know your body. I will give you as many guidelines as I can but please, do not get angry with me because I can't write you a detox and meal plan on the spot.

-If you google a pose online, say CROW, you will see several different poses. This is because "Bakasana" can, has and will continue to be interpreted in many different ways. Stop arguing with me about the names of poses. Focus on your alignment, focus on your breath while in the pose and leave me alone!  P.S. the book I used to double check my spelling...calls it CRANE. ;)

I may be done. Shall we call this, Yoga sign #1?
NAMASTE' YO!!!